


Pride and Meek

by virgotrocious



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Happy Ending, Hide and Seek, M/M, Small Towns, bc Virgil needs someone to trust, logans a friend, sorta angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 12:29:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14769638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virgotrocious/pseuds/virgotrocious
Summary: During what was meant to be a fun game of Hide and Seek, Virgil and Roman get stuck in a mess of feelings (and the wall)





	Pride and Meek

It was Patton’s fault really, but Virgil just couldn’t find it within himself to be pissed off. It had started innocent enough with a game of monopoly, but that had gone sour quick and the idea was immediately swapped for the classic “hide and seek.”

Spending long lapses of time shoved into impossibly small spaces was either Virgil's passion or worst fear (he couldn’t quite decide which so it must be situational) but he agreed only because it was totally a small space kind of day. Besides, he had dozens of spots and only Logan knew about most of them, being so observant and all.

Logan agreed on the grounds that anything was better than Virgil throwing a chair at Roman for taking boardwalk and that he would only have to endure one round before being dismissed.

Roman agreed unconditionally, but Virgil figured he wouldn’t be any good considering his loud nature. And so the games began, with Patton as seeker and the other three to fend for themselves.

Virgil already knew where to hide— a clear advantage derived from his tendency to disappear for hours at a time without the others able to find him. He climbed the stairs, feet moving naturally around the creaky areas, and walked down the hallway quickly, stopping next to a very specific piece of wall.

He pulled the pocket knife out from his sweatshirt (it’s important to be able to protect yourself) and flipped out the screwdriver. Virgil made quick work or removing the storage panel and slipped inside easily. Just as he started to slide the panel back into place, a strong hand grabbed it and nearly made him scream.

Roman, stronger than him by at least a thousand percent, pulled the panel open completely and looked at Virgil, annoyed.

“You took my hiding spot,” he hissed, to which the dark clothed man rolled his eyes.

“No I didn’t. You didn’t even know this spot existed.”

A distant ‘ready or not here I come!’ echoed through the halls and Virgil shifted quickly to accommodate Roman’s large body as they crammed into the storage area together.

The prince moved hastily close them in. The wood made a protestant sound and Virgil took a second too long to sputter out, “Wait don't close it a—!”

The panel slammed into its accompanying nook, wedging itself closed.

“... all the way,” Virgil finished quietly, relishing in the sudden darkness. “You idiot! You just locked us in!”

“Oh calm down Virgil Donati.” Roman probably rolled his eyes but with the light from the hall blocked, Virgil couldn’t entirely tell. “We can just call out when Patton walks by.”

“No, we can’t! Logan got sick of me blasting music in here and soundproofed it months ago!” His hands were moving wildly as they so often did when he started to get freaked out.

“Well okay, then ‘chill out’ and Logan is bound to find us eventually.”

“Yeah, eventually. It could be hours.”

Virgil heard a huff of air and felt Romans legs shift. The space was small, large enough so they could both fit with about a good few inches before their legs met. That would be the case, however, if Roman would just fold his stupid long legs into his stomach as Virgil so graciously did.

Clearly, that wasn’t going to happen. As minutes ticked by, shift after shift, Roman apparently got fed up enough by being folded and stretched his stupid stupid long legs out on either side of Virgil.

Immediately his face erupted an amazing shade of red and Virgil thanked everything that was holy for the darkness shielding him and his embarrassment.

“So how long do you think it’ll take the Microsoft Byrd?”

“You got way too much mileage out of that insult.”

Roman ignored him. “Because I’m not sure how much longer I can stay trapped in here.”

Silence fell over the two again, heavy and uncomfortable.

“You know what? If it’s going to be hours, we might as well get comfortable.”

“What do you mea—”

“I mean there’s definitely a better option than you getting in the way of my stretching out.”

Virgil’s brain obviously took that and ran. Thousands of possibilities ran through his head, quite a few inappropriate and even more trying to figure out if it was a threat. Was Roman going to kill him? No, a dead body takes up just as much room as an alive one, that wouldn’t make sense. Either way, his face reverted back to burning.

Virgil chose his words carefully and didn’t speak again until he had taken a few deep breaths. “Care to elaborate?”

Roman shifted again, legs brushing Virgil’s sides as he moved around in the dark. Virgil felt a hand bump him blindly before grabbing some of his sweatshirt and tugging him into what felt like Roman’s chest with the sort of tact someone of his experience should not be allowed.

“Is this okay?”

Virgil had no idea. It sure felt okay, but mentally he was all kinds of freaked out.

“Uhhhh.”

Leaning with his back against Roman’s chest, Virgil slowly stretched his legs out as the other man had intended, feeling honestly a bit more secure than he would have guessed. Not that he would ever share that with anyone. It was truthfully a very weird sensation to be able to feel Roman’s every breath. Virgil tried to sync their breathing, but his breath was apparently naturally quicker (or he was a little flustered) than Roman’s deep, calm exhales.

The cupboard had started to get warm after a few minutes, but not uncomfortably so. In fact, quite the opposite. Virgil found himself fading in and out of consciousness, unidentifiable amounts of time passing between each prolonged period of his eyes being shut. After what seemed like hours Virgil’s eyes opened for perhaps the tenth time, caused by a foreign sensation that took him a moment of confusion to understand.

Calloused hands were carding through his hair, shifting his already messed up fringe out of his face then allowing it to fall back again. His shoulders tensed against whatever surface he was leaning against, and the touch stopped immediately. It all of a sudden became very obvious that the hands and surface were both Roman, and that realization was sobering enough to make Virgil panic slightly.

Acting on fight of flight— a classic strategy he took advantage of frequently— Virgil attempted to scramble away from Roman, succeeding only in hitting his head against the “ceiling” and tripping over Roman’s stupid. long. legs.

“Woah there! I assure you, everything’s fine!” Roman called out sounding surprised as he tucked his legs on reflex.

Virgil couldn’t see, but it was worth it to know whatever maneuver he just attempted would never see the light of day. Still in a blind scramble, he backed himself into a corner and only stopped when he felt his back collide with a solid surface that wasn’t another human.

“You can hear me right? Virgil, you hear my voice?”

“Yeah,” he breathed out after minimal struggle. “You scared the shit outta me.”

“Well then I’m sorry. I swear I hadn’t meant to cross any boundaries.”

“It’s…” Virgil buried his face into his sweatshirt sleeves and tried his best to force words through his tight throat. “Not that. Woke up… didn’t know who you were.”

Virgil expected that unmistakable boisterous laugh to tease him into oblivion, but no such thing followed his confession. Instead, he heard some shuffling, fabric moving, shoes scuffing on wood maybe, and then finally a huffed sigh from much closer than the voice from a few moments prior had been.

“I moved by the way.”

Virgil wheezed something as close to a laugh as he could muster. “Thanks.”

“No problem… friendo.”

A dull thunk was clear from the wall right next to Virgil and he caught on pretty fast that the other man had settled down next to him, bumping their shoulders lightly. An arm snaked slowly around his shoulder with the sort of hesitance that was rare coming from Roman and Virgil could hear him gulp.

“Is this fine?”

Usually being treated as if he were fragile would piss him off, but coming from Roman it made his heart swell. Matching the careful touches, Virgil relaxed into the contact and rested his hooded head on Roman’s shoulder. It was peaceful and thank god because peace was exactly what Virgil needed.

The two sat for a while with silence falling over them like a heavy cloak. Virgil felt like he was holding his breath, feeling as if he were just waiting for whatever dumb thing was to come next. He wondered vaguely if Roman felt the same, but was cut off promptly as a hand brushed his neck before correcting itself and moving up to his cheek. Virgil could have sworn death was imminent with how fast his heart was beating. It was excruciating how slowly Roman guided his head to turn, but any faster and he probably would’ve screamed, so good call. It was glaringly obvious that Roman was giving him time to pull away.

When he didn’t tug away, Virgil felt a soft breath on his lips and almost combusted on the spot.

“Still fine?”

Roman’s voice was so quiet, had Virgil been thinking any louder he no doubt would have missed it. Not sure Roman would be able to feel his nod, Virgil attempted to respond vocally but it came out as some sort of strangled plea— the kind a dying animal makes when it’s accepted death. When a second hand cupped his opposite cheek, Virgil wondered when death started feeling so good.

“I need words, angel.”

Oh god.

Thank god Roman was patient because it took a minute before Virgil had managed to sort himself out enough to speak.

“Yeah. Yes.”

Sirens blared in Virgil’s head as their lips met. Well, pretty much met. Roman’s aim was a little off and caught him on the corner of his lips, but the moment was amazing and so incredibly overwhelming that Virgil didn’t even notice before Roman pulled away and chuckled nervously.

“Ha, sorry, I-”

Virgil surged forwards a little bit through his haze, the sensation of being kissed enough to drive off the thousands of little claws usually scratching in his skull. It was a little rough and clearly caught Roman by surprise, but at least their lips connected that time. Not as good however, was how their noses pumped together painfully and sent them apart like the matching end of two magnets.

Virgil panicked for a good couple seconds, mind immediately replaying the moment and how many thousands of ways it could have gone wrong from there.

“Calm, angel.”

Virgil secretly and much to his embarrassment hoped the nickname ‘angel’ would stick. He swallowed his panic and nodded, that fact that Roman wasn’t able to see him slipping his mind for hopefully the final time.

“Third time’s the charm?” Roman asked sheepishly, hand finding his cheek once again.

“Yes.”

Virgil wished in the moment that he could have come up with something witty to say, and maybe that he had sounded a little less drugged, but it quickly didn’t matter anymore as their mouths finally slotted together, soft, careful, like the both of them were made of glass and afraid to break the other. Virgil tangled his hand into the front of Roman’s shirt while trying to ground himself, and Roman’s hands slipped up to muse with Virgil’s hair.

The kiss didn’t last long, probably for the best because just as they pulled away the sound of scraping forced them into reality. Light flooded their little cavern and the two untangled themselves quickly, trying to look like they weren’t just kissing.

Logan peeked his head in and turned to assumably Patton before doing a double take. A knowing smile spread across his face and ‘of course he would figure it out immediately you idiot. He’s literally the embodiment logic.’

“See Patton, they’re right here, no need to worry.”

A gasp sounded from behind Logan and suddenly Patton appeared, looking about ready to dive to the cupboard with them. Logan thankfully grabbed his shirt collar and stopped Patton gently.

“Perhaps we should let them climb out before this reunion continues?”

Virgil nervously glanced around, watching as Roman climbed out and straightened out his clothes, face the epitome of casual confidence as it always was. Slowly, he followed hence, not bothering to fix his hair and positive his face didn’t even closely resemble Roman’s.

“Are you two okay?! I was so worried! Logan was worried too, he’s just putting on a brave face.”

Logan rolled his eyes.

“No need to worry Padre!” Roman bellowed with his usually boisterous tone. It really struck Virgil just how easy it was for the other man to act as if nothing had happened at all. It wasn’t a good feeling. “The incredible sulk and I are perfectly fine, thanks to your help of course.” Roman dipped into a playful bow and Patton giggled joyously.

Yeah, definitely not great.

“Well, did you kiddos at least get some bonding time in?”

“I’m not sure… but I suppose so,” Roman stated as if he hadn’t just kissed arguably the most vulnerable one of them.

Patton looked as if he were about to start clapping, but Virgil didn’t stick around to find out.

“‘M going to my room,” Virgil mumbled, turning the corner and ignoring the pit in his stomach that only deepened when Roman didn’t follow him.

Virgil tried not to get his hopes up when someone came knocking at his door the next morning. Really, he did.

With feigned apathy, he called out a forced sounding ‘come in’ and tried so hard not to stare too intently as the door swung open. Then. he tried not to deflate when Logan appeared instead of who he was really hoping it to be.

“It’s just me, sorry to disappoint.”

Damn Logan and his stupid ability to read his face.

Virgil scowled and scoffed into his phone screen, tucking his legs tightly into his stomach. “And why would I be disappointed?”

Logan silently shut the door and sat himself down on the floor, leaning his back against the bed where Virgil remained.

“I get that I’m not great with feelings, but something clearly isn’t in order.”

“How would you-”

“You missed dinner last night.” Logan cut him off. “Patton was rather upset.”

Virgil’s room was dark, even with the shitty and visibly-old lamp on, which did more to amplify the harsh shadows than give off good light. The lamp flickered as he winced. Virgil hadn’t meant to make Patton upset, he never wanted that. God maybe if he weren’t so selfish—

“But I informed him it was likely not your intention to hurt. It’s never your intention, is it?”

“No, of course n-”

“Your function, however, is to protect and I fail to understand how missing dinner protected anyone.”

Virgil was hardly annoyed at Logan’s persistent interruptions. The two had been hanging out ever since accepting anxiety, and it quickly became clear that once Logan understood the just of a sentence, he no longer saw any point in listening further. Virgil got used to it pretty fast. What bothered him rather, was that Logan seemed a bit upset. Logan being slightly upset was practically the equivalent of Roman slashing a hole in the drywall with his sword.

“Please, Virgil. Explain to me why you would miss something important to one of us if it wasn’t to protect.”

Virgil couldn’t decide if he wanted to cry or drop dead on the spot so he sat on his bed, pretending to scroll through Tumblr.

Logan’s voice adopted a softer edge. “Were you perhaps protecting yourself?”

Virgil didn’t cry. He was neither a child nor mourning a death so he did not cry.

“You can talk me. We’re friend’s now, correct?”

The overarching loneliness that had crept in last night and taken Virgil by the hand was getting weaker by the second. Being loved was still not something he was accustomed to, and it hurt. Why did being loved hurt so much.

“Roman,” Virgil wheezed out desperately. “I don’t understand what I did wrong.”

“Please elaborate.”

“You won’t tell Patton?”

“Unless the circumstances are dire enough that they require another party’s involvement, no. I will not tell Patton.”

Virgil took a deep breath and prayed his voice wouldn’t fail him halfway through. “So basically Roman got us locked in the storage thing and he put it so we were leaning against each other because of comfort or somethi-” Virgil choked on his words and took a second to recover.

“And it was too warm so I kept falling asleep but I woke up... and he was touching my,” air got caught in his throat. “m-my hair so I freaked out but he calmed me down and I did but then he sat next to me and after being quiet for a while we kissed-”

Virgil had tears in his eyes and his throat kept closing up. Logan made a low noise in his throat and Virgil pat the top of his head once, like petting a dog but really lamely. He knew Logan didn’t think he could take care of himself. It was honestly fair.

“But then you found us and when we got out he was right back to name calling and acted like nothing happened. H-he didn’t even care when I got upset. I seemed upset right? Because I thought it was pretty obvious but-”

“Yes it was clear,” Logan growled before coughing and taking a few deep breaths. Virgil did the same. “What do you think the cause of his dismissal is?”

“I think he was bored and wanted to mess with me!”

Logan shot up from his sitting position stood stiffly with his shoulders squared.

“Come on. You need to eat, I’ll keep Princey away from you.”

The edge was back to Logan’s voice and although not aimed at him, Virgil still felt intimidated enough to follow the order without much persuasion.The two began walking out of his room. It was previous knowledge that Logan was very protective (mostly after finding out how important Virgil was to Thomas’s integrity but still) yet Virgil still found it very odd that he wasn’t prying for more information. Maybe Logan thought Roman messing with him was logical.

And suddenly it was no longer comforting to have Logan taking his side.

“You… you don’t think I just misread things?”

Logan stopped walking and sighed deeply before putting a hand on Virgil’s shoulder in a way that was probably intended to be comforting.

“It’s not... Entirely illogical for Roman to have had a sudden change of heart considering his past behavioral patterns when it comes to you.”

Virgil’s breath hitched and he repeated ‘I don’t cry’ in his head a few times.

“HOWEVER! It doesn’t definitely mean he’s actually acting with any malintent,” Logan said quickly as if correcting himself. “I just think it as of now it would be in your best interest to avoid further emotional damage at all costs. We will sort it out as soon as possible, and come up with a proper conclusion once we have more information.”

Virgil managed a nod and Logan began to guide him down the hall towards the kitchen once again. They emerged together down the stairs, hand unmoving from Virgil’s shoulder until reaching the kitchen and Patton came rushing over to them. Logan dropped the hand, and Virgil couldn't help but see how Roman’s expression soured slightly from where he sat on the couch.

He looked up at Logan nervously, wanting to make sure he was getting a firm grasp on the situation, but apparently, Logan was already scowling in Roman's direction.

“Hello? Virgil? Are you okay kiddo?” Patton asked, staring worriedly at him.

“Hm?  ...yeah I guess.”

Patton clearly wasn’t convinced and set to work immediately on whipping up some “cheer you up in a jiffy” breakfast. Virgil was just relieved Patton wasn’t angry as he had expected.

“Go ahead and take a seat at the table. I will join you in a moment,” Logan whispered lowly.

Virgil hesitantly nodded and cautiously took a seat at the table. Just as he did, Roman stood suddenly, fast enough to make him jump, and stalked over to where he sat.

“Care to explain yourself, you emo nightmare?” Roman asked, leaning over the table with one hand planted firmly on it. From Virgil’s sitting position he was towering.

Virgil felt anxiety rise like bile in his throat. The lights in the kitchen began to flicker, a surefire sign that Thomas was beginning to feel the panic. Somewhere in his vision, Virgil recognized a figure, probably Logan, approaching quickly, but Roman stepped back first, eyes wide. He seemed confused, maybe a little bit hurt.

That wasn’t fair. He had no right to be hurt.

Before Virgil could manage even one ‘I don't cry’ he felt silent tears stream down his face. Roman flew out of sight suddenly and it took far too long for Virgil to realize he had been pushed. Logan stood where he once did. The lights were going crazy, but neither Roman nor Logan seemed to notice.

“Hey! No fighting!” Patton called in a panicked voice.

Roman was already back on his feet, seething with anger. He had one hand on his sword, but Logan stayed confident. He knew Roman wouldn’t actually use it. Right?

“Stop it right now!” Patton screamed, stepping between the two.

If looks could kill, Logan would have been charged with murder a hundredfold.

“Logan, stop! Calm down honey! You’re upsetting Virgil!”

Roman stopped in his tracks, staring in bewilderment at the two.

“Honey?” he echoed quietly.

The lights cut out.

 

 

Being in the mindscape after Thomas had a panic attack wasn’t pleasant. For one, lights often had to be replaced after the temporary blackouts and sometimes old light bulbs shattered. Panic attacks used to come in twos— first one for whatever reason and the second one coming from Virgil believing he was in trouble— but luckily that had been a more rare occurrence since accepting anxiety.

Apparently, that was one of those rare times.

When Anxiety woke up from his second panic attack, he was in bed with no desire to leave. So he didn’t. Instead, he sat for hours just listening to the occasional movement from outside his door. He wanted to cry, but no tears came out. He laughed numbly at the irony.

Virgil looked back on the past 24 hours, bitterly thinking how rotten his luck had been. He coughed harshly and finally sat up.

Luck was starting to become something Virgil saw more as an excuse for his mistakes rather than a force of nature, and the thought made him feel like a child. He was an adult with wit and independence, in no way needing something to blame his failures on.

And yet, there he was, sitting alone in bed feeling bad about someone who never loved him and never will. Virgil just wished he could get that through his thick skull. Roman didn’t like him.

It was so hard to get over someone whose lips he could still feel ghosting over his own. For a second, it seemed so real. God, Virgil just wanted to cry until he disappeared. Someone knocked on his door. He didn’t answer, but the door opened anyway. Slowly.

When did the world start moving so slowly?

When Roman walked through the door with an unsure look on his face, the lightbulb from Virgil’s lamp exploded on the spot. Glass went flying, and Roman had to duck in order to avoid being hit. By the time he got back up, Virgil was already on his feet and backed into a wall. The image of Roman drawing his sword popped into mind, and Virgil cursed himself for it and the surge of fear it sent down his spine.

Roman realized quickly that his plan was garbage and he lowered himself back to the floor as if attempting to put a frightened child at ease.  

“Woah there, Virgil. I’m… I’m just here to talk,” he said in the calmest voice he could muster. “I think I understand what happened now.”

Virgil, still very much confused and decently scared, looked with wide eyes at the mostly closed door right behind Roman. The other man noticed this and very quickly scrambled left a few feet, pulling the door open wide before he did so.

“See? You’re not trapped, you can leave whenever you must but I beg you to please let me try to understand.”

Virgil gulped and tried so hard to shove away the small glimmer of hope that sparked inside of him. Feeling like a prisoner to his own perseverance and desperation, Virgil nodded.

“I promise I will make no assumptions about your feelings.”

He nodded again. 

“After we... after getting out of the wall, I started talking, then you walked off. At the time I thought you were probably overwhelmed and needed to calm down, so I didn’t follow. When you came downstairs yesterday morning...” yesterday? “And I saw you with... with Logan’s hand on you. Well, I was a bit put off. I thought that maybe you didn’t see the... kiss... as anything special and got upset. I understand now that is likely not the case.”

Virgil let himself separate from the wall slightly, back no longer pressing uncomfortably against it. 

“Please explain what went wrong so I can understand. I really want to understand you.”

Virgil suddenly found crying much easier then it had been a few minutes ago. Roman made a move to get closer but stopped when Virgil froze up. They sat in silence until he was ready.

“I, well. When we... got out. Of the cupboard I mean. You talked to Patton so nicely and animatedly, and... you talked about me just like you always did so I thought-” he hiccuped, but that would stay a secret between him and Roman. “I thought you were just bored. And... wanted to mess with me.”

Roman’s eyebrows furrowed in a moment of thought. He looked almost offended for half a second, but quickly got over it. 

When Roman finally got up and walked carefully over to Virgil, his expression fell into an uncertain wince, eyes flashing with something horribly close to fear. Regret stabbed Roman deeply and he reached out hesitantly, hoping to provide a source of comfort. The overhead lights started flickering and from down the hall, Virgil could just make out the sound of footsteps.

“Angel, please understand.” Roman sat down a foot away Virgil, to the man’s right, so he could still get away if need be. “I was not bored. In the past, I have been a fool, treating you the way I was is something I will never be able to erase.”

Roman but a soft hand on Virgil’s cheek, guiding it just as he had done yesterday. 

“But please, let me try. I do care about you, and kissing you is something I did from my heart.”

Their lips nearly brushed together.

“Will you let me try?”

Virgil made an unintelligible sound and Roman laughed softly. 

“I need words, angel.”

Virgil surged forwards and connected their lips, this time careful not to push too hard or bump noses. It wasn’t perfect, but the way Roman cradled his head and let Virgil wrap arms around his body certainly made it feel that way. 

When they pulled away, Logan was in the doorway. He looked at Virgil, who was the reddest he’d ever been. 

“I saw lights flickering” He then looked at Roman. “I swear If you try and pull anything-”

“It’s okay Lo,” Virgil rasped. “Risk I’m willing to take.”

Logan nodded and smiled reassuringly.

“Perfect, then I will take my leave.”

Virgil slumped against Roman’s side, pressing his face into the other man’s shoulder. Roman laughed quietly and pressed a kiss on Virgil’s hair. 

“I like you a lot so it’s worth it, but Logan is sort of scary.”

Virgil smiled. “Yeah. He is.”


End file.
